Sunday, 23 July 2017

Captain Canuck, Volume 1: Aleph Review (Kalman Andrasofszky, Leonard Kirk)

A superhero comic called Captain Canuck, like a Canadian version of Captain America? Maybe an indie superhero comic would be better than what the mainstream offers and you could play with national stereotypes. This could be fun, right? WRONG! Oh Canada… 

So this is the relaunch of an allegedly “classic” ‘70s character but, if you’ve never heard of the character up ‘til now like me, there’s a reason for that - unlike maple syrup and Tim Hortons, Captain Canuck suuuuucks! 

There’s a dude called Captain Canuck who, like Captain America, wears his country’s flag except, unlike Cap’s awesome shield, he’s got Escrima sticks like Nightwing - is that a Canadian thing…? Anyway, there’s a fire on an oil rig, a dude with a robot hand wants to kill the villain - who of course has an eye-patch to let you know he’s the villain - magic gold(?!) is mind-controlling people for no reason and some of Captain Canuck’s people get kidnapped by some of the magic gold’s people (or something) and they’ve got to blow things up to save them. Also, aliens because, uh… 

Kalman Andrasofszky cannot write for shit. His storytelling is a garbled, boring, incoherent mess of nonsense that I couldn’t follow from one issue to the next. I got no sense of who Captain Canuck was or why I should even care, and every one of the “characters” was barely sketched out at best. Andrasofszky awkwardly switches from past to present in a failed attempt at an origin story for Captain Canuck that was unimpressive to say the least. 

Leonard Kirk’s art is also really bad, as usual. We’re talking storyboard-level crap that’s being pushed as the final version - shaky, awful rubbish to match the equally badly-constructed script. Ed Brisson’s backups were somehow even worse. Throwaway, instantly forgettable dross about another Captain Canuck fighting aliens - just horrible. 

This may be an indie publication but they prove you don’t need to be Marvel or DC to put out ultra-shitty superhero comics! Absolute drivel, stay well the hell away from Captain Canuck, eh? Canada deserves better! Check out Marvel’s Wolverine to see what a cool Canadian superhero looks like.

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