Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Swamp Thing: The Dead Don't Sleep Review (Len Wein, Kelley Jones)

The dead may not sleep but you will if you read this booooorinnnnggg Swamp Thing book! 

I’m sorry to speak ill of the recently deceased but Len Wein (RIP) was not a good writer. He wrote in this clunky, corny (oh lordy, SO CORNY!) ‘70s style which was heavy on the exposition, none of which added anything to the already piss-poor narrative. He’s hopeless at dialogue too - all the characters here sound like moustache-twirling pantomime villains. 

He didn’t have any good stories to tell in this one. Some zombie fights Swamp Thing for, somehow, two entire issues, then Anton Arcane takes Swampy’s powers to try to take over the world or something crap like that. It’s sad to read, honestly, because it feels like DC gave Wein this gig out of pity. 

Couple Wein’s ‘70s writing with Kelley Jones’ ‘90s-style art that’s going for horror but comes off as laughably silly as Wein’s dumbass script and you’ve got one helluva anachronistic read for this 2016 comic. 

I could go on but it isn’t worth it. Nor is reading it! Do literally anything else but read this utter garbagefest of a comic. DC should be embarrassed they published something this bad. Then again, they’re DC = (Colour Hair) Don’t Care. And neither should you!

Monday, 19 March 2018

All-New Wolverine, Volume 5: Orphans of X Review (Tom Taylor, Juann Cabal)

Lost a loved one to a Wolverine? Join the Orphans of X! The aim? To hunt down and kill all Wolverines using material gleaned from the magical Muramasa blade, that neutralises the Wolverines’ healing factors. 

So does they do it - nuh buh muh huh guh? Sorry, my brain shut down at the astoopidity of that question! The real question should be: is it at least a somewhat entertaining read before Laura and co. inevitably beat them? Eh, kinda… 

Sunday, 18 March 2018

Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man, Volume 2: Revelations Review (Brian Michael Bendis, David Marquez)

Miles and a newly-resurrected Peter Parker take on a newly-resurrected Green Goblin - AGAIN! - before Miles finds out his girlfriend Katie Bishop’s “shocking” family secret. And speaking of secret, Secret Wars abruptly puts an end to this series, forcing Brian Bendis to awkwardly slam the brakes on his (admittedly absolute shite) storylines. Ta-da…

Saturday, 17 March 2018

The Missing Girl by Shirley Jackson Review

Penguin seems to release a new range of dinky paperbacks every year now for one flimsy reason or another. This Penguin Modern series is to celebrate Penguin Modern Classics’ 50th Anniversary or something - meh. I guess these tiny books do serve as fairly decent amuse-bouches of a writer’s style but, as someone familiar with her books, Shirley Jackson’s The Missing Girl isn’t the best representative of her excellent craft.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Moon Over Soho by Ben Aaronovitch Review

Vampiric witches are preying on London’s most gifted jazz musicians – Peter Grant, the Fuzz’s newest (and only) apprentice magic cop, is on the case! 

Moon Over Soho is a bit of a disappointing follow-up to Ben Aaronovitch’s spectacular Rivers of London and I think I know why. Rivers of London had two barnstorming storylines running parallel throughout – the Mr Punch murders and the River Gods’ gang warfare – as well as Peter learning about the hidden magical side of London; there was never a dull moment as Aaronovitch jumped from one to the other. 

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

My Brother's Husband, Volume 1 by Gengoroh Tagame Review

Single dad Yaichi’s estranged gay brother recently passed away. In the wake of his death, his burly, friendly Canadian husband, Mike, has come to Japan to finally meet his brother-in-law and niece for the first time. Mike’s presence forces Yaichi to confront his own deeply-buried prejudices about gay people, as well as address his strangely emotionless and lonely life. 

Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Volume 3 Review (Brian Michael Bendis, Nico Leon)

It’s time for another edition of Brian Bendis Attempts To Obliterate My Interest in Miles Morales! In (good grief) Volume 3, the increasingly uninspired writer finds the laziest pseudo-storylines on which to hang his copious amounts of uninteresting, soapy melodrama!

Monday, 12 March 2018

Arkham Asylum: Living Hell Review (Dan Slott, Ryan Sook)

A crooked banker (is there any other kind?) thinks he’s being clever by having his trial moved to Gotham where he’s found not guilty by way of insanity. Except in Gotham? The crazies go to a place called Arkham Asylum, a Living Hell that makes Federal prison look like a cakewalk!

Saturday, 10 March 2018

Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Volume 2 Review (Brian Michael Bendis, Nico Leon)

Hmm. Yeah, unfortunately the post-Secret Wars Miles Morales stuff isn’t an improvement over the post-Cataclysm crap. Event comics have completely ruined this character. And if that wasn’t enough, here comes another one in the form of Civil War II to compound the fuck-up! Jesus, what a mess Brian Bendis ended up making of poor Miles’ series. 

Friday, 9 March 2018

The Walking Dead, Volume 29: Lines We Cross Review (Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard)

Ah, the reliable roller-coaster of quality that is The Walking Dead! After the spectacular rush of Volume 28 comes the expected long, tedious build-up to the next bit of excitement with table-setting being the order of the day in Volume 29: Lines We Cross. 

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Spider-Men Review (Brian Michael Bendis, Sara Pichelli)

Because bullhonky, Mysterio somehow creates a device that opens a portal to the Ultimates universe where (I think 616-Universe) Peter Parker gets zapped and meets Miles Morales aka Ultimate Spider-Man. They have some conveniently book-sized ‘ventures before the status quo is reinstated. And that’s Spider-Men. Any good? Nah. NEXT! 

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

Superman, Volume 2: Trials of the Super Son Review (Peter J. Tomasi, Patrick Gleason)

The second Rebirth Superman book surprisingly didn’t suck - it’s definitely a step up from the derivative Terminator-ripoff first volume - but Trials of the Super Son still never rose above middling. 

This one is a mish-mash of rando stories. Clark, Lois and Jon go to the local fair where Lois makes Clark promise not to Superman all evening so they can have a family night out together butguesswhathedoes… In another story, Superman, Jon and Krypto somehow get transported to an island full of living dinosaurs and World War 2 pilots where they fight a giant white gorilla - it’s fair to say that one’s a fucking mess! 

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man, Volume 1: Revival Review (Brian Michael Bendis, David Marquez)

Weeellll, it had to happen eventually didn’t it? Brian Bendis’ surprisingly-consistent run of near-faultless Miles Morales comics comes to an end with this newly-renumbered title launched in the wake of the Ultimates event, Cataclysm. Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man, Volume 1: Revival is unfortunately pretty crap. 

Monday, 5 March 2018

The Home Crowd Advantage by Ben Aaronovitch Review

The Home Crowd Advantage is a Peter Grant short story that apparently takes place between Book 1: Rivers of London and Book 2: Moon Over Soho, though, having just read the first book, I’m not sure if it has any bearing on the second; it reads like a standalone for anyone who’s familiar with this world.