Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Hyperion: Daddy Issues Review (Chuck Wendig, Nik Virella)

(Note: this review was put through the Ultimate Sarcastic-o-Meter machine before being posted - extraordinarily high levels of sarcasm are to be found in every line!)

The iconic and universally beloved superhero that every single person knows, Hyperion, stars in the most gripping, heart-rending and important comic of all time. He’s definitely not some bargain basement Superman knockoff with all the personality of a toilet seat wearing a yellow atomic nappy. In this book, you’ll go on a roller-coaster ride of emotion as he fights carnival freaks and drives a truck! 

I get down on my hands and knees and bow to Chuck Wendig for this masterful effort. He certainly didn’t shit this one out in two minutes - this ain’t no hack job, guys! This is a deeply personal and powerful story full of meaning that he’s probably been wanting to tell for years. Simply a tour de force of talent. 

As the primo comics destination on the internet, ComicWow!, blurbs on the cover, “A great series”; but I feel even they - by no means insincere nobodies with worthless opinions who choose to blow Marvel for free comics over a shred of integrity - don’t go far enough for this title. Everyone needs to read how Hyperion saves the bravest little girl in the world. It beats anything in the Bible for timelessness or relevance. I wouldn’t be surprised if this QUALITY comic saved someone’s life. 

I know I’ll never forget when Thundra, the most famous female superhero ever created, appeared and kissed Hyperion out of nowhere - I defy anyone to find a more heart-warming moment in all of literature! I wasn’t on the edge of my seat, I was standing, heart pounding out of my chest, when I saw these two legends go up against human hillbillies - Wendig couldn’t have come up with a more inspired challenge for these two indestructible demi-gods if he tried harder, and you could see he was already trying his best here! 

And the art team? My word. This wasn’t the most generic, bland, indistinct artwork in a superhero comic ever, these guys were swinging for the fences - for the ages! If someone asked me for the GOLD STANDARD of breathtaking artwork, I know I’ll reach for one of the many copies of Hyperion that I’m going to buy now and press it eagerly into their hands, tears barely contained in my eyes, as I beseech them to not say another word and just… experience... this. 

I found renewed purpose in my own life with Hyperion. It wasn’t a complete waste of time and effort; I didn’t find my attention wandering every second I held this book in my hands, wondering why I didn’t own a shredder - this is the finest comic ever created. Guys: I see Eisner Awards in the future for all of you. Thank you, Marvel. This wasn’t cynical, soulless product; this was everything anyone could ever want from a comic and MORE (tries to steady trembling lip)! 

There aren’t enough stars to recommend this masterpiece.

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