This is a review of the second (and, to date, final) Seaguy arc, Slaves of Mickey Eye, but the image is of issue #1 because DC haven’t collected the three issue storyline into a book - and I can see why! In addition to Seaguy being one of Grant Morrison’s more obscure, lowest-selling titles, Slaves of Mickey Eye unfortunately isn’t very good.
We had Batman vs. Predator (awful), Batman/Aliens and its sequel (both surprisingly decent), Superman vs. Predator and Superman/Aliens (which I haven’t read) - so obviously now let’s smoosh them all together into one book for no reason! With this many characters in one book, Superman and Batman vs. Aliens and Predator sounds like the hottest of all hot messes… but it’s not bad?!
And so Rob Williams and Michael Dowling’s limited series Unfollow comes to an end in their third and final book, Turn It Off. I’ve enjoyed the title up to this point, and I still liked parts of this one too, but the third book closes out the story in a birruva underwhelming fashion.
I’ve always wanted to read a Joyce Carol Oates book but never have until now - and I’m not encouraged to read any more! Dis Mem Ber and Other Stories of Mystery and Suspense is a collection of seven horror short stories, none of which are especially good.
Everyday Magic is the most uninspired Zatanna comic ever. It’s Paul Dini on autopilot as he snoozes his way through a by-the-numbers story. Constantine’s hand is cursed so Zatanna battles a sorceress to fix him. Which she does effortlessly with no tension. The end. Wooow. There’s a truncated version of Zatanna’s origin included if you haven’t read it before so if you have, like me, it only makes the comic that much more tedious to get through. Also, don’t expect the art inside to be like Brian Bolland’s cover because it’s not. Rick Mays’s kiddie manga-esque art did nothing for me, accompanying Dini’s boring script to make Everyday Magic even more forgettable! I suppose this run-of-the-mill comic is aptly named: it is very everyday. Pointless, unentertaining rubbish - disappointing given that Dini’s usually a quality writer.
The only interesting thing to come out of Secret Wars’ finale was the question of what Doctor Doom would do next: where do you go after being God Emperor Doom of Battleworld? Brian Bendis provides an answer: become Iron Man! And it turns out to be a shit answer as Infamous Iron Man is a disappointingly crummy title.
A bored schoolgirl falls for a slightly older bad boy townie. Together, they go on a killing spree for shits and giggles! It can only end one way… and in Blackpool?!
So after reading this book I can confidently say I don’t give a fudgey-fudge about Jessica Jones! JJ’s in prison for some reason! Her marriage to Luke Cage is on the skids and she’s hidden her baby with her ma for some reason! Intrigue? Mystery? Snores!
Hindsight is 20/20 so it’s easy now to see the signs that portended Hillary Clinton’s failed presidential bid, but, in the months leading up to Election Night 2016, I don’t remember anyone seriously thinking Trump would win. She’s got this – OF COURSE Hillary’s gonna win. The infamous “grab the pussy” tape, those embarrassing debates Trump clearly lost where he looked like the barely-literate buffoon he is? Come on. It’s a formality. And Trump implying that he would contest the election results, that they’d probably be rigged, days before voting? What a scumbag – he and his racist, misogynistic supporters MUST accept the results to preserve the integrity of the democratic process!
To mark his 50th birthday in 2015, Norwegian cartoonist Jason decided to walk the Camino de Santiago, a 500 mile pilgrimage in north-western Spain. Which he does. And that’s that!Jason is one of my favourite cartoonists but On the Camino is his weakest book to date. It’s also his first venture into nonfiction which is quite telling because his fictional comics are usually outstanding and fun to read while this autobiographical memoir is very dry, one-note and kinda boring.
John Flood is the survivor of a covert experiment to eliminate sleep in the organisation’s operatives. It worked – John hasn’t slept in over a decade! – but the sleep deprivation has made him a bit… strange. Though while he sees things that aren’t there, his permanently altered brain chemistry has also given him a distorted way of thinking and unique world perspective that’s turned him into a brilliant private investigator. So when a psychopathic mass murderer’s on the loose, John knows just how to catch him: he needs to find a missing cat…
This is the second book in a row where the main title – “All-New Wolverine” – has been ironically undermined by the subtitle: Civil War II in the last book, Enemy of the State II in this; “All-New” my bum! It’d be nice if Marvel’s writers could come up with original storylines instead of relying on rehashing old classics but that’s just not Marvel’s (or DC’s for that matter) style – unimaginativeness is the watchword!
Emma and Clem are twentysomething Londoners who want to be writers. And, er, that’s it - Lauren Berry neglected to include a story in her debut novel, Living the Dream!
Emma’s the realist of the two, working an office job to pay the rent and writing in her spare time, while Clem’s the dreamer, going full tilt at the screenwriting lark and being broke and living at home for her efforts. I’d hoped Berry would wring some humour and/or wry observations about juggling artistic aspirations with mundane office work but no such luck; all she’s got is that corporate life is fake and stupid and work is, like, shit, innit? Bah.
And so we come to the end of Dark Knight III. Quar and the evil Kandorians square off against Batman and co. in a final battle for the fate of Earth. Guess who wins?
Predictability aside, The Master Race #9 isn’t a great conclusion to what was a decidedly average return to Batman for Frank Miller. Batman’s contribution to the fight was plain silly and he felt like a supporting player in his own book.
Derek Ouelette is a has-been hockey goon. Thrown out of professional hockey for allowing his rage to get the better of him, Derek lives in a small Canadian town spending most of his time surly drunk and picking fights with anybody. When his estranged junkie sister Bethy drops by, pregnant and addicted with a shiner from her drug-dealing boyfriend, the two must confront their shared past trauma together to find their future.
Yeah, fucking grim, eh? Roughneck is also Jeff Lemire’s best book in years.
Officer Downe is the ultimate cop – an unstoppable killing machine who never rests until all the criminals are dead… or arrested, whatever! But he pisses off some corrupt animal-headed businessmen who are fed up with Downe never staying, er, down, and hire a flamboyant ninja hitman and his army of goons to take him out, once and for all!
For a Mike Barr Batman book, Dark Knight Dynasty surprisingly isn’t bad!It’s an Elseworlds story (non-canon, What If…?-type tales) split into three parts: Dark Past/Present/Future. The quality is quite high to begin with but unfortunately gets worse as the book goes on.
In his debut novel, Fred Van Lente does Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None - but with comedians! And it’s not bad.
Many of the characters are thinly-veiled versions of real-life comedians: there’s a Larry the Cable Guy-type, Carrot Top, Ali Wong, George Lopez, and Joan Rivers, to name a few. They’re lured to a private island owned by a famous, rich comic they all have connections to who strangely isn’t there to greet them - and then the comedians start getting killed one by one!
This shouldn’t really be a thing. I mean, forget the Justice League, Superman alone could take out the Suicide Squad! In fact, any one member of the League could do it - Wonder Woman, Flash, Batman (most of the SS are Batman rogues anyway). The Green Lantern rings are among the most powerful weapons in the DCU! So yeah, the premise is significantly flawed to begin with.
I’m giving Rebirth every chance here. Dan Jurgens has always been a shit writer, Batman Beyond is always a shit title, but maybe - just maybe - the Rebirth version of Dan Jurgens’ Batman Beyond will be good…? Nah.
