Tuesday, 18 April 2017
The Hellblazer, Volume 1: The Poison Truth Review (Simon Oliver, Moritat)
I’ve read 16 Rebirth titles now and only liked 1 (Tom King’s Batman) – 1! Hellblazer Rebirth makes 17 and takes the score up to 16-1. Rebirth is the worst relaunch EVER!
This should really be called Hellblazer/Swamp Thing Rebirth because ol’ Swampy’s storyline takes up around half the book. John Constantine is back in Blighty for some reason. Swamp Thing is looking for Abby Arcane who’s gone missing in the Rot (rot is an appropriate description for this book!). Some bad guys called Djinns are mad about… something… and one of them started World War 1 which led to World War 2. Fuck me, this is such a rubbish story!
Simon Oliver’s plot is all over the shop. He’s not only incapable of any kind of narrative focus but he’s in no hurry either – a lethal combo for ultimate crapola! There’s so much of this volume that feels unnecessary. Mercury (whoever she is) has very little to do besides at the end of the first issue; there’s another woman who’s some kind of noble who I have no idea what she was meant to be doing; some East End thugs want to harness John’s magic for gambling reasons; Swampy fights some plants. ‘Cos this is filler, filler night!
The main villain is set up so poorly. Gawd knows what he’s after but it’s not interesting and John and Swampy more or less coast for much of the cruddy, baffling story. I couldn’t find a single thing to enjoy about this one, it’s such drek! The book just stops at a certain point too so there’s no real ending which is very unsatisfying – apparently this is part 1 of who knows how many parts. I do know that I’m not coming back for more of this unentertaining garbage though!
I guess Simon Oliver’s got the British lingo down ok though everyone says “as I live and breathe” far too many times. The poison truth is that Hellblazer Rebirth is boring drivel – the worst Hellblazer book I’ve read yet. Simon Oliver’s FBP Vertigo series was unreadable and so is his Constantine. As I live and breathe, Rebirth suuuuuuuuuuucks!