Sunday, 16 October 2016

Black Panther: The Complete Collection, Volume 1 Review (Christopher Priest, Mark Texeira)

I bought this one (thankfully on sale, heavily marked down) three and a half months ago and I’ve since managed to read 202 pages out of 383. That’s after numerous times of stop-start reading, forcing myself on, and I’ve only just now passed the halfway mark! This is a Marvel comic, not War and fucking Peace and yet I’ve read 600 page novels in shorter timeframes! Well, no more - I give up here and won’t torture myself with the remaining 180 pages of this absolute rubbish. 

I have no clue why but an unfunny cunt called Everett Ross is our narrator for too many issues. Har har, he’s wearing underpants AND he’s cowardly! Who the hell finds this shit funny?! He’s the most annoying little fuck I’ve come across in a Marvel comic. Ooo hoo hoo, he’s sitting on a couch - IN HIS UNDERPANTS AHAHAHAHAHA - with the Devil! How outrageous and hilarious! Look, Black Panther punched the Devil! … 

The “story” doesn’t know what it is. Near as I can tell, Black Panther’s in the US to fight Kraven the Hunter (and punch the Devil to save the almighty shit-weasel Everett Ross apparently) and, while he’s stateside, a madman with a hand puppet has taken over Wakanda. I thought Wakanda was a highly-evolved society? Why wouldn’t they see this twat for what he is and leave him be, raving on the street corner instead of swearing fealty to him or whatever?? How was this guy ever a credible threat to anyone let alone ruler of a nation!? 

Black Panther himself doesn’t come across as an actual character, he’s just a guy with a Batman-esque costume who effortlessly beats up everyone and gets the hawt laydees. He’s beyond boring. This isn’t the first Black Panther book I’ve read so I know there’s more to him but if this were all he was, he wouldn’t have his own movie on the way. Oh and how I hated Mark Texeira’s stupid character design, making Black Panther look like a grossly ‘roided out meathead! 

If I ever read another Christopher Priest comic again it’ll be too soon. Packed full of horrible writing and art, bad idea after bad idea with no fucking clue what’s entertaining to anyone with more than two braincells to rub together, and more boring than you could conceive a superhero comic has any right to be, DO NOT, under any circumstances, even if this is the only reading material left after a comicspocalypse, consider reading Priest’s Black Panther - it’s a steaming pile of panther shit!

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