Friday, 20 June 2014

Unity Volume 2: Trapped by Webnet Review (Matt Kindt, Cafu)

A creepy scientist who has spent the last several decades building up a terrorist network to take over the world so a clone of a woman he once fancied will love him, conveniently times his plan to happen just as Unity have dealt with Toyo Harada and have nothing further to do! What would an ancient mad scientist have to threaten XO Manowar, Livewire, Ninjak and Eternal Warrior with? Nothing at all - but he’s the villain! Does this sound like drivel? That’s because it is! From hack extraordinaire, Matt Kindt, no less! 

It seems to be the lot of superhero teams everywhere that every now and then they get an adversary who would barely challenge one of them but for the purposes of the series, the entire team is taxed. It happened recently with Justice League when the entire team were held up by the Cheetah (weakness: aqua-rape!) and it’s happened to Unity with Dr Silk, a guy who could be taken down by reducing his winter fuel allowance. 

The brainwashing doesn’t work on any of the team, just civilians whose guns can’t harm them anyway so there’s no immediate threat to any of our heroes. Plus Silk’s henchman, Fitz, who also can’t die because he keeps getting cloned, doesn’t have any powers of his own - he supposedly learns from each encounter to better defeat his opponents the next time he spawns, but he actually doesn’t and repeatedly gets killed, making him your average useless henchman. 

Speaking of spawning, the plotline was ripped off from Devil May Cry - brainwashing the population with mass media, sports drinks, and other products that are popularly consumed IS what happens in that game. Real original, “writer”! 

The Silk storyline eventually loses steam rather than builds to a climax and ends with a bizarre final page that seems to indicate that the Fukushima disaster in Japan was somehow down to Unity or something? Ah, who cares, this is garbage! 

The final issue is a crossover in Valiant’s big summer event, Armor Hunters. If you haven’t read the first issue of that series, like me, this closing chapter to the book will be a swirl of confusion. Mexico City gets nuked? Everyone’s chasing after armour for some reason? Bloodshot is dying or something and then joins Unity? Whatever. 

Unity could be a good series and I like all of the characters, but I really, really, really don’t like Matt Kindt’s writing which is dull and riddled with cliches, not to mention his half-assed plotting that help make reading his stuff so put-downable - he is working his way up the crap comics writers list, rubbing shoulders with Jeph Loeb, JMS and Ann Nocenti. Until Valiant replaces him, I’m giving up on Unity, and this second volume? Nonsense - boring, stupid nonsense. Watch kittens frolic on Youtube instead, it’s more intellectually stimulating.

Unity Volume 2: Trapped By Webnet

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