Monday, 3 November 2014

Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe Review (Christopher Hastings, Jacopo Camagni)

Fuck a duck (but don’t – unless its consensual), this book was baaaaaaaaaad!

I didn’t read Peter David’s X-Factor back in the day so I’m not familiar with Longshot. Here are his powers: he’s got psychometry which allows him to “read” the past from touching objects(?!) or something, he’s good looking and he’s lucky - yes, these last two are classed as “superpowers”!

An evil looking dude with a half white/half black mask calling himself The Inbetweener is hunting lucky old Longshot because he’s lucky, then a cosmic cube comes into play, then the Inbetweener splits into two sides – one good, one bad, even though they’re both kinda bad – and somehow the Marvel Universe begins to implode! That is, until Longshot can somehow “luck” his way into saving it, while getting every female to drool after him because he’s just that good looking apparently!

Uhhh… whatever. I couldn’t have been more bored with this book. It’s four issues looooooooooong and it feels like punishment! Longshot is largely unknown for a reason – “luck” powers? What is he, a fucking leprechaun who models for Abercrombie and Fitch?! 

Christopher Hasting’s plot was pure bafflement smeared on a stick and I had no idea what was happening most of the time. The Cosmic Cube flashes! Longshot is shot back in time or into a parallel dimension or something. It flashes again! He’s somewhere different! Suddenly WolfCap, Cosmic Carnage, and Wolverine, King of the Vampires, are on the page – whaaaaaaaaat!? It flashes again! He’s saved the day! …. somehow… by wishing/lucking his way to… oh who cares, it’s complete shite! 

Awful! Gibberish! Take your sexy mallard and run the hell away!!!

Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe

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