Batman Beyond, Volume 1: Brave New Worlds Review (Dan Jurgens, Bernard Chang)

Spinning out of DC’s Future’s End crapfest, Terry McGinnis is “dead” and Tim Drake is the new Batman Beyond - yuck, as if you needed more reasons to not read Future’s End or this book! 

Dark Knight III: The Master Race #5 Review (Frank Miller, Brian Azzarello)

Following Quar’s ultimatum to bring him the Batman, Gotham’s tearing itself apart to find him or else the Kandorians kill them all. But the heroes are rallying as Carrie, aided by Aquaman, sets out to free Superman from his black matter prison, Wonder Woman is having second thoughts about isolationism, and the Dark Knight’s plan begins to unfold… 

The Mighty Thor, Volume 1: Thunder In Her Veins Review (Jason Aaron, Russell Dauterman)

Marvel relaunch their female Thor series after just two volumes because of Secret Wars despite there being no real change after that event. Le sigh. It’s easy to see why irregular/non-comics readers get confused trying to read superhero books in a certain order when the fucktards at Marvel/DC are constantly pulling the rug out from under them. 

Revolutionary War Review (Andy Lanning, Kieron Gillen)

I want to apologise to writers like Brian Bendis, Matt Fraction, Rick Remender, Jason Aaron and Jonathan Hickman whose event books I scoffed at for being piss-poor commercial crap - compared to Revolutionary War, your books look positively Shakespearean in quality! 

Fup by Jim Dodge Review

Jake Santee has discovered the secret to immortality: a home-made whiskey called Ol’ Death Whisper. Sup this and you’ll live forever! When his daughter unexpectedly dies, 99 year-old Jake takes in his grandson Tiny, who of course grows up to be a giant! The two live happily on the farm until they make an enemy: the wild pig Lockjaw. While hunting Lockjaw one day, Tiny finds an abandoned baby duck and takes her in. Her name? Fup. 

All-New Captain America, Volume 1: Hydra Ascendant Review (Rick Remender, Stuart Immonen)

With Steve Rogers suddenly an old coot and retired, someone has to be Captain America: enter Cap’s long-time sidekick, Sam Wilson aka the Falcon aka… the All-New Captain America! The Marvel version of Nazis, Hydra, are up to their old tricks and want to sterilise the human race with a blood bomb - it’s up to Sam and his bird Redwing to save the world!

All-New Wolverine, Volume 1: The Four Sisters Review (Tom Taylor, David Lopez)

Wolverine’s currently “dead” as a piece of modern art and apparently someone in the Marvel universe needs there to be a Wolverine so who better to step into the iconic yellow outfit than his female clone/daughter Laura Kinney aka X-23? But that’s the thing with clones - you make one, you can make more, and Laura discovers the shady Alchemax group has been doing just that with her DNA. Laura’s got some sisters and of course some villains want them dead - time to snikt, Wolverines!

Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 5: Through the Looking Glass Review (Brian Michael Bendis, Valerio Schiti)

Yikes, this is some convoluted horseshit even by Marvel’s standards!

The book opens with a boring standalone story about the mystery of how and why a SHIELD helicarrier, with what appears to be the classic SHIELD lineup headed by Nick Fury, appears out of nowhere in deep space. 

Magneto, Volume 2: Reversals Review (Cullen Bunn, Gabriel Hernandez Walta)

Like in X-Men: First Class, Magneto is a hunter of mutant-haters in his solo series, an anti-heroic protector of mutantkind doing what he feels has to be done with lethal force. In this second volume, his travels takes him to China where a new strain of MGH (Mutant Growth Hormone which, when injected, gives the user temporary mutant powers) is being produced, before the garbage Marvel event Axis sends him to the fallen mutant city of Genosha where the Red Skull is up to some stereotypical bad guy bullshit. 

The Pigeon by Patrick Suskind Review

Jonathan Noel is a French bank guard who, for decades, has lived a very orderly and timid, almost non-existence which is one day shattered when a pigeon appears in his apartment building’s hallway. Patrick Suskind’s novella takes the reader through a day in this quiet man’s life as his mind unravels…

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight, Volume 4 Review (Charles Soule, Joshua Williamson)

Legends of the Dark Knight is a series of Batman short stories taken from various points of his career and, while the series hasn’t been bad, this fourth volume is turrible! 

Josephine, Volume 3: Switching Sides by Penelope Bagieu Review

Josephine and Simon get together and the story goes through the motions of couples dating: they get to know each other’s friends and family, move in together, and then kids.

They’re a good match as Josephine can’t cook and Simon can, and it’s amusing seeing her single friends try to make it seem like nothing will change with them now that Josephine ain’t single like them. I also wasn’t sure if they’d keep the baby – they do live in godless France after all! – but Josephine does desperately want to be a mother so I should’ve guessed. 

We Stand On Guard Review (Brian K. Vaughan, Steve Skroce)

In the 22nd century clean water is the most precious resource. The United States, having ignored climate change until it was too late and because of the crime against humanity that is Celine Dion’s music, has invaded Canada and begun taking their water. But a small rebel force, the Canadian Resistance, have begun the fight back against the overwhelming might of the American military in a desperate attempt to reclaim their country. They are the Two-Four and this is We Stand On Guard, eh? 

I Hate Fairyland #6 Review (Skottie Young, Jean-Fracois Beaulieu)

SPOILSIES to anyone who’s not read the first arc of I Hate Fairyland as this issue begins where that one ends. 

All the boppy tops who get upset over “spoilers” that are actually the premise gone? Good!