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Sunday 12 April 2020

Die, Volume 1: Fantasy Heartbreaker Review (Kieron Gillen, Stephanie Hans)


Six kids find themselves magically transported into a D&D-type board game. Two years pass - and only five kids return to the real world. Twenty-five years later, the five are transported back into the game only to find their missing sixth friend has become the evil grandmaster of the fantasy world - and, this time, they must FINISH THE GAME! Which means, uh… they have tea and cakes and sing lovely songs about fish fingers…? I think it’s meant to be menacing or something.

So: Die is basically dark Jumanji if the game was just D&D and mega-boring. Which could be a fun read with the right treatment but unfortunately Kieron Gillen’s ain’t it.

The characters are a grim and dull lot. The world of the game is generic and depressing, which, coupled with the depressed characters, makes things very jolly indeed. There’s hardly any story and what little there is incorporates some of the worst aspects of fantasy storytelling: endless walking and talking in pubs with wankerous bloviating dwarves. The tedium is broken up with the occasional fight with orcs, dragons, etc. which our heroes effortlessly get through. Oh the excitement… zzz…

Stephanie Hans’ painted art is really beautiful though and her character designs were interesting. The Tolkien cameo was cute, particularly the eagle wink, and fitted in well with the WW1 setting.

It’s not much though and doesn’t make me want to hang around to find out the whys and wherefores of the tale. Die, Volume 1: Fantasy Heartbreaker is just another dreary Kieron Gillen book in a long line of them!

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