Sunday, 1 May 2016

Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars Review (Cullen Bunn, Matteo Lolli)

Deadpool’s Secret Secret Wars is an example of concept over story. The concept: Deadpool was secretly in the original Secret Wars from 1984. The story: uh… wanna hear the concept again?!

The original Secret Wars was just awful. It was a garbage comic created purely to sell garbage toys and was written by Jim Shooter, a man remembered for his bullying editorial style when he was running Marvel than his shitty writing. The latest Secret Wars is pretty bad too but compared to Shooter, Jonathan Hickman is the greatest writer of all time. Cullen Bunn puts some of the original Secret Wars’ scenes in this book, the dialogue untouched, so you can see for yourselves how painful it is to read: 

The Wasp: “I don’t know where we are, but I suggest we start by introducing each other, all right? I’ll start! Everybody knows us, because we’re The Mighty Avengers. And we’re FAMOUS! But, just in case, I’m The Wasp, and with me are the She-Hulk, Captain Marvel, Captain America, Thor, Hawkeye, and Iron Man, who’s really on leave, but with us anyway!”

Oh god make it stop! The scene goes on with clunkier and clunkier exposition as if the reader is utterly braindead. Shooter’s writing is why I abandoned ‘84’s Secret Wars after the first issue, it’s too fucking painful to endure. I get that Bunn putting it in here is part of the very gentle ribbing he’s giving the original Secret Wars but it’s still terrible to read again. 

So what about this book? Er... what about it? Deadpool’s inserted into key scenes from the original Secret Wars, he’s temporarily healed and rocks the Magnum PI look, hooking up with Wasp, and then… nothing (not that what preceded it could be called much anyway). Lots of pointless fighting follows and then it ends. 

Deadpool is one of Marvel’s most popular characters - his books sell in the same ballpark as Spider-Man’s - and his miniseries always do very well. I’m sure this one sold. I just wish there’d been a story! I’m not at all enamoured with seeing Deadpool wandering around the original Battleworld, I need more than that. If that’s all you’re after, check this one out, maybe the nostalgia alone is enough for you if you’re a fan of the original Secret Wars - otherwise I’d recommend checking out better Deadpool minis like Night of the Living Deadpool or the Killology instead.

Deadpool's Secret Secret Wars

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