So, even though I know Scott Lobdell is one of the worst comics writers ever, all I heard from friends was how boss the Rebirth Red Hood and the Outlaws was. Uh huh. Suuuuure it is. And, nuh uh to your uh huh, this wasn’t even half-good! Is everyone on crack? Am I?!
The story is a crap mess. It begins with Red Hood/Jason Todd shooting Gotham’s mayor – but of course it’s not what it seems. He’s “curing” the mayor of a techno-organic virus. Ok – “virus”. That’s lazy shorthand to mean something “bad” right? I guess, because we’re not told what a “techno-organic virus” is or does until the very end despite this being a key component to the plot, so it’s impossible to know or care about anything that’s happening up to that point because there’s nothing to understand. It’s amazing that Lobdell’s been writing comics for decades now and still fails at storytelling basics.
(Wait – “techno-organic virus” sounds familiar. Wasn’t that a feature of Marvel’s godawful Age of Apocalypse event also written by Lobdell in the mid-90s? Wow, this guy is shameless, not to mention utterly devoid of ideas!)
Black Mask is looking for an heir – even though he’s never cared about that sort of thing before – and decides to groom Jason as exactly that, even though they’ve just met and it’s obvious he’s working for Batman on the sly. What’s even stupider is Black Mask seems to know this but goes along with the charade anyway! Black Mask is also suddenly in love with Gotham and that’s why he’s doing what he’s doing with the virus… jeezus, Lobdell couldn’t have come up with more feeble motivations if he’d tried (and it’s clear he didn’t)!
Joining Red Hood are two other characters. Why two? Because subtitle – “Trinity” – and DC has a hard-on for that word. It’s that contrived. And because I think the previous Red Hood and the Outlaws title had three characters – I’m not sure, I didn’t read that one. Why’re they “outlaws”? Because Batman calls them outlaws at the end apropos of nothing. Everything about this book is so forced!
Artemis is one of the two – a “dark” version of Wonder Woman apparently. Her sole motivation is a MacGuffin – she’s chasing after the “Bow of Ra” because… she wants it. And apparently she tracked it down to a cargo train headed to Gotham and that’s how she and Red Hood meet. How convenient! Except it’s not on the cargo train. So she’s shite at tracking. Or incredibly dumb. Or both. Because she hangs around Red Hood for the remainder of the book, even going so far as to pretend to be Black Mask’s prisoner, in the hope of Black Mask possibly providing her with a lead to the Bow – a hope based on absolutely nothing! Did I mention how contrived the story is?
Bizarro makes up the trio and it’s arguably the worst version of the character ever. When we see him he looks exactly like Superman and then when he wakes up he suddenly looks much uglier. Out of nowhere he’s got a weird bowl cut – did someone give him a haircut in between panels? Why? And why do it to make him look like Simple Jack (see the excellent movie Tropic Thunder for that reference)??
Then he talks – Bizarro’s speech is probably his most distinctive feature – and Lobdell even manages to fuck that up. Bizarro talks in mirror-speak so he says the opposite of what he means. Except he doesn’t here for no reason. He says things like “NO! Me am NOT monster! Me am Bizarro!” when he should really say “YES! Me am monster! Me not Bizarro!”; Lobdell completely fails to honour the source material.
Why would Red Hood, Artemis and Bizarro be a team? Because contrivance + the hackiest writing in the biz = Scott Lobdell. The dialogue is especially terrible but to keep this review from becoming hideously long(er), if you’re gonna pick this one up, look for the early scene between Jason and someone called Ma Gunn who begins her clunky speech with “You see, I’m not the kindly septuagenarian I appear to be…” – this is not how people talk. And Black Mask is playing the most stereotypical Bond villain ever and he apparently has goons head-hunting new recruits in Gotham’s bars!
The one aspect of the book that pleasantly surprised me was Dexter Soy’s art which has vastly improved since his work on Kelly Sue DeConnick’s awful Captain Marvel run. It’s not nearly as messy and cheesecake-y, the lines are cleaner and the composition is clearer – he’s obviously gotten much more confident as an artist. The style looks a lot like DC’s animated movies – very slick, anime-esque. That said, Black Mask has never looked worse – that gimp mask he’s in was a horrendous choice!
I was actually hoping to be wrong and discover that Scott Lobdell had somehow written something good for once – but, unfortunately, no. I’ll give this book credit for having unexpectedly decent artwork but the writing is Lobdell’s usual total trashpile. Don’t believe the hype – Red Hood is still red poo!
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