Ultimate Spider-Man, Volume 1: Married With Children Review (Jonathan Hickman, Marco Checchetto)

In Ultimate Invasion, The Maker made it so that the origin stories of superheroes in an alternate world never happened - which means no magic spider ever bit a teenage Peter Parker and this world never had a Spider-Man! Instead, this world’s Peter is a middle-aged photojournalist at the Bugle, married to MJ, a PR exec, with a couple kids. The perfect life - except Peter can’t shake the feeling of dissatisfaction… that he should maybe be doing something else with his life…

Jonathan Hickman’s Ultimate Spider-Man was one of the few Marvel titles I was intrigued by this year. I’d heard good things and I’m always down for a fresh new take on a classic character. But it’s also Jonathan Hickman at the helm, whose work, for me at least, is more miss than hit - and so it is with his Ultimate Spider-Man, which was really underwhelming.

In case anyone was wondering, this isn’t a continuation of the previous Ultimate Spider-Man series - that world is still dead and buried, except for Miles, who made it to the 616-verse along with The Maker. This is a different alternate world but with the same “Ultimate” brand applied.

There’s not much of a story in this book. It’s all geared towards getting Peter into the outfit and doing Spidey things again. Hickman accomplishes this but it’s really boring to read. This issue gets him the suit, this issue gets him fighting his first supervillain, this issue gets him the right look, this issue gets him the name, etc. By the numbers, unimaginative, and tedious storytelling. Convenient too. How does Peter get his powers? Here’s dimension-hopping hologram Tony Stark with the magic answer!

Hickman doesn’t do much else different with his version of Spider-Man. Uncle Ben is alive and well and besties with Jonah, who’re setting up their own paper - Ben is actually a pretty good character and I enjoyed his friendship with Jonah. Harry and Gwen are married and are exec sharks. Matt Murdock’s a priest. That’s really all there is to it from this (from the blurb on the back) “visionary writer”.

Harry’s still Green Goblin for the same contrived reasons Peter’s Spidey (fate). Kingpin, Shocker, and Bullseye are doing what they always do. There’s a sliver of a mystery at what happened to Norman but nothing too developed - no, instead we need an extended couples dinner scene where they talk shop (and *that* line can be delivered)!

There’s nothing new or fresh about any of this. This is standard, classic Spider-Man: dull soap opera crap with boilerplate Spider-Man action interstitials.

And yet… I also think this is what people are responding to the most.

Because this is the Spider-Man I want to read about. Spider-Man is Peter Parker, not Miles (even though he’s a great character) or anyone else. And he’s not the weird version of Peter in the current main “Amazing” title where he and MJ are middle-aged but estranged without kids and she’s got Jackpot powers or some such nonsense.

This is the character that should exist: in his thirties, with MJ, with their kids, in the classic outfit - it feels like we’re back on track with the real Peter/Spidey after a years-long break of meandering madness at Marvel Editorial. I’m glad he exists somewhere at Marvel even if it has to be under this repurposed Ultimate banner.

Marco Checchetto’s art is fantastic as always, really slick, dynamic and eye-catching with beautifully-captured details, though David Messina’s art on the two issues that he subbed in wasn’t as top notch. I like that the suit’s gotten an update - it’s more high tech now, thanks to Tony, just like in the MCU - but that it still looks like the real outfit (and has the potential to change into other versions for more nostalgia bait).

Ultimate Spider-Man, Volume 1: Married with Children (the subtitle, what with the recent news of the reunion, meant that I had the Oasis song playing in my head whenever I picked this up) actually is your dad’s Spider-Man. With just a few superficial tweaks, there’s nothing new here and, in lieu of a compelling story, this is a book-length table-setting episode where essentially-classic Spidey is made ready for his new audience, young and old.

While not at all exciting for me, it’s good to have a real-seeming Spidey back at Marvel, and I’m hoping with all the setup now out of the way the series can get going and we’ll see a genuinely good storyline emerge in the next book.