I read Frank Miller’s original Ronin years ago and don’t remember much about it besides it fused Japanese samurai with robots. Which sounds ok and probably was - it was the ‘80s and back when Frank Miller was still capable of ok!
We are many, many years past that point now unfortunately.
So this is the unheralded sequel to Ronin: Ronin Rising. Not sure if it picks up where the first book left off, whether the woman and son characters were part of the original or are new, but either way this is one of the worst comics I’ve ever read.
There isn’t really a story. Ronin is held captive by some robot thingy that’s Zodiac-related. His wife or girlfriend or something has a son that’s basically Superman (because why not?) who kills monsters while his mum blathers on about Aquarius and Virgo (whoever they are). After some baffling battling it’s all over and who knows what was resolved, let alone the point of it all. Ronin Rising takes tedium to a profound new level.
The format is mostly a splash page of Philip Tan/Daniel Henriques’ art with Miller’s vastly overwritten, utterly horrible script draped around the edges like drool spackling the page. The effect is like reading illustrated bad poetry. Here’s a couple samples of what to expect:
“Aquarius erupts.
Aquarius explodes.
Aquarius screams.
Yet still I can hear her.
The bitch.
The goddamn bitch.
She chuckles.
Right inside my head.
Virgo. She chuckles.
She mocks me.
Right inside my head.
The bitch.
Virgo, you bitch.”
and
“Here I am.
The mom.
I’m the mom.
In this weird little family I’m in.
I’m the mom.
But here I am.
I’m the one.
In the womb.
Held by the baby.
My baby.
In a womb.
That makes Billy the mom.
Silly.
Funny.
When you think of it.
Shock.
I’m in shock.
Shock.
‘M.
In shock.
‘M in shock.”
Oof. Imagine an entire book of that repetitious, inane dialogue on every page - that’s exactly what you get with Ronin Rising!
I know what you’re wondering: does old Frank draw some of the book? You bet your sweet bippy he does! And actually, it’s not the worst. Some of his recent art has been horrendous but his art in this one is excusable.
Philip Tan is a really good artist who’s drawn the biggest characters at DC (Batman, Superman) for some of the biggest names (Grant Morrison, Jim Lee) and I’m sure that connection is what led him to Frank Miller. Wow though, did he catch Frank at the worst time to work with him. Maybe he’s a huge fan and realised this is the only time he’s going to get to work with one of the comics greats before he croaks - there’s no way he read this godawful script and thought it was any good, unless he too is completely mad.
And what’s this publisher - “Kana”? Never heard of them. And it would have to be someone unknown as I’m sure no reputable publisher read this garbage and thought it was worth publishing, even by a name as big as Miller’s. The comic reminded me a little of Dark Knight Returns: The Golden Child that came out a few years ago. It was also about superpowered kids battling a monster and was also a terrible comic - but the idea’s obviously stuck with old Frank who repeated himself here and somehow made a terrible comic even worse!
A fever dream of drivel
Ronin Rising
The bitch
Shows
Once great creators
Like Francis Ford Coppolla
Who made great films
In the ‘70s
And today made Megaflopolis
The bitch
Can lose the talent
That they once had
Over time
To become only capable
Of
Making stunningly awful art
Like Ronin Rising
The bitch
Ronin Rising
Shock (not really)
Is the worst
Comic of 2024!
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