Those little bastards, the Guardians, have gone a bit mad and decided the best way to bring order to the chaos of the universe is to turn everyone into mindless, mouthless automatons - much easier to manage! This is their Third Army, an unstoppable force of self-replicating zombies, out to colonise all living creatures, free will, and wipe out all Lanterns everywhere.
With Hal Jordan and Sinestro “dead”, the focus is on Simon Baz, the latest Green Lantern and a Muslim supposed-criminal. He’s got to clear his name, get his best friend out of a coma, and join the other Lanterns in taking down the Third Army. Elsewhere, Guy Gardner’s been kicked out of the Corps; Kyle Rayner’s on a quest to become the first White Lantern (white is the colour of life apparently); John Stewart and Star Sapphire Fatality are watching Mogo the living planet reform (because no death sticks anymore); and Atrocitus is raising an army of his own to battle Ganthet’s.
So - a lot’s supposedly happening!
The book is nearly 400 pages long, which is what you’d expect for a Lantern-wide crossover event, but not a whole lot happens. Simon Baz slowly completes his small story arc while Kyle Rayner and Atrocitus predictably complete theirs. Guy Gardner faffs about, as is his wont, and unfortunately so does John Stewart. It’s a lot of treading water. And really out of those plots, Kyle’s was the only one that was mildly interesting - the others were so boring to read.
The “Guardians gone wild” storyline’s been done before and the Third Army are blandly challenging. But I get it - the New 52 means they can rehash old stuff again and they’ve gotta have something to go up against the Lanterns. Doesn’t make for great comics though.
The worst thing is that this isn’t a self-contained story like I thought it was. It’s actually Part 1 of (I assume) 2. Nearly 400 pages and they end with a “To be continued in… The Wrath of the First Lantern”. Bullshit! The book wasn’t amazing but it was competently written and drawn and parts of it were enjoyable - then the ending happened and made me really dislike it. DC up to their usual tricks. It’s Trinity War all over again!
Rise of the Turd Army is a whole lotta Lantern comics with no payoff. If that sounds like your thing, go for it. Me, if I’d known the cop out I was getting into, I wouldn’t have bothered.
Green Lantern: Rise of the Third Army
I would like to see some lanterns kill all the guardians and encase Ganthet in molten gold so they could make a giant necklace out of him for Kilowog to wear on the cover of his rap album.
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