Saturday, 22 February 2014

Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Review (Mark Millar, Bryan Hitch)


The FANTASTIC FOUR are the WORLD’S GREATEST. The WORLD’S about to END! They have to save BILLIONS of PEOPLE from imminent DEATH! Johnny’s in a BAND and sleeping with a VILLAINESS! Reed’s old flame shows up OUT OF NOWHERE! Did I mention the WORLD’S about to END!?! The FANTASTIC FOUR are the WORLD’S GREATEST!!!!!!!!

Why am I writing like this? This is Mark Millar at his most Michael Bay-iest. 

BIG. 

DUMB. 

COMICS. 

At one point Reed gets into a giant robot suit and fights another giant robot so the comic ends up looking like the finale of every Power Rangers episode. Galactus gets used as a battery. I… I just don’t care! 

But at least Reed gets something to do. Sue gets nothing and is side-lined for the entire book. Ben gets a new girlfriend who couldn’t be more boring – just your everyday teacher who falls for a rock monster! That’s half the team and those are their entire storylines! Johnny’s storyline is just embarrassing. He gets it on with a low level villain lady who’s into flameboys (whose father turns out to have the same powers so… that’s weird) and then starts a band. Reed is really the only character with an actual storyline, but wow, it’s such a dreary one!

The world of the future is a wasteland and the billions stranded there need a new world to inhabit. Coincidentally, Reed’s old girlfriend and her husband are building a copy of our world where only the super-rich will be allowed in to. Guess what the solution to this story is? The other arc is about a giant robot that goes on a rampage. Whatever. 

If Millar’s writing in this book is utterly dismal (horrible plotting, even worse characterisation), Bryan Hitch’s art is at least great. It’s really gorgeous as usual and suitably epic to fit Millar’s vision. The problem is the splash pages and BIG imagery looks cool but doesn’t mean a damn thing because nothing’s happening in the scene meaning the reader simply doesn’t care. BIG EPIC SCENE – what am I supposed to feel exactly? Something, right? I don’t. 

Apparently Millar’s “masterminding” the newest Fantastic Four movie (is anyone interested?) and if it turns out like this, it’s gonna be another turkey. Hitch’s art may be accomplished as hell but it’s not reason enough to pick up this badly written, brainless crapfest.

Fantastic Four: World's Greatest

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