I can tell you the premise of Crossover, Volume 1: Kids Love Chains (the subtitle is a quote by toymaker Todd McFarlane - no clue what it means, unless he’s being literal, in which case he’s as mad as he’s always seemed): comic book characters emerge in the “real” world and wreak havoc for no reason.
I can’t tell you the story though because Donny Cates is an incompetent writer/storyteller who doesn’t seem capable of producing anything coherent or interesting. Superhero characters suddenly come to life - no idea why - and cause widespread damage in Denver, Colorado - no idea why this place specifically - before being contained in a dome in Provo, Utah - no idea why this place specifically. Some rando comics fans come across a little girl who’s somehow escaped the dome and, with the help of some (conveniently all Image) comics characters, take her back to the dome, for no reason.
… huh?
Besides not understanding why anything was or what was happening, the new characters are an uninspired bunch: generic “strong female character”, stock cute kid character, weak male character whose arc will inevitably be to toughen up, stereotypical Christian nutjob leader. There’s nothing to these cardboard cut-outs. And the main character’s name - “Ellipses Howell” - is sickeningly twee.
Twee is how I’d describe a lot of this book. Cates wants to make you believe this is a world where comics are edgy and the biggest thing, and he completely fails. It reads like the sad ramblings of an extremely sheltered comics fan who doesn’t realise that comics, despite becoming more popular in the last decade or so, is still a niche medium in pop culture, and always will be.
And I disagree with his thesis that fictional characters impact the world more than real people. Sure, lots of people know who Superman is but what does that knowledge do exactly? They’ll watch a movie or play a game or (heaven forbid) read a comic featuring the character but then they’ll forget about him and move on with their lives. Superman will “outlive” all of us but he’s still just a drawing without the ability to have the kind of impact any living person has on our world.
Beyond the feeble and unconvincing worldbuilding is the poorly constructed story. Why are comics writers being killed? Presumably because people blame them for their characters’ destruction in the “real world”, right? But then if these writers have this remarkable power, then why not create new characters who can undo the damage and help our world - some kind of hero who can magically resurrect the dead and restore the damaged infrastructure?
In addition to just happening to create a dome to contain the superheroes just in time, the government also has “draining lamps” that limit the superheroes’ powers - how convenient! And the idea that the Christian fanatic and his small group of idiots in Utah could somehow convince the US government to instigate a war against superheroes is laughable - this guy is the smallest of smalltime nobodies who can’t even influence his own son. Contrivances like these only underline how hacky Cates is as a writer.
The final part of the book is non-stop fan service as one Image character after another is trotted out (though we’re told that Marvel and DC characters are also supposed to be in this mess, we don’t see them probably for legal reasons - good for Marvel/DC, not getting involved in trash like this; they’ve got their own trash to get involved in!).
I guess if you’re a fan of crap like Black Hammer and Hitgirl then this part of the book might set your heart aflutter, but, really, who shivs a git about Madman or Savage Dragon? I like Mike Allred but I’ve never felt the urge to go back and read his Madman books, and this book has only affirmed I likely never will either! And Savage Dragon - if this drek wasn’t by one of the Image co-founders, it would have been cancelled years ago. Cates’ back must be sore from all the patting as he also throws in his own terrible creations, from Buzzkill to God Country. It’s all so gratuitous and serves absolutely no narrative purpose.
Mystifying, unengaging story, terrible characters, a handful of half-baked, dull ideas executed badly, and a whole lotta pointless noise at the end, Crossover, Volume 1: Kids Love Chains is one helluva boring read. No idea how Donny Cates has any fans - his Marvel work is just as awful - but those are the only ones this rubbish will appeal to.
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