Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Captain Marvel, Volume 1: Higher, Further, Faster, More Review (Kelly Sue DeConnick, David Lopez)

Captain Marvel gets a new number one volume. Why? Because she’s now in spaaaaaaaace! 

Carol will team up with four nobodies to form the poor man’s Guardians of the Galaxy - with a cameo from the actual Guardians of the Galaxy in a desperate attempt to leech off of their popularity! Carol will help an alien get back to her alien people and find them a home on some alien world - but not before some baddie aliens try to kill them! You won’t believe how disinterested you’ll be in this super-bland comic! 

I didn’t think Kelly Sue DeConnick’s Captain Marvel could get worse but she found a way to do it and it was to send her into a mega-crap Star Wars prequel knockoff storyline. DeConnick is so unfunny and lame she literally has Carol say the line “These are not the droids you’re looking for” - HAHAHA that was funny, what, 30 years ago? Maybe never? And it’s been done to death since. 

Arguably the worst parts of the Star Wars prequels were the tedious scenes where the galactic senate debated trade talks, diplomatic sanctions and more crap you couldn’t believe you were seeing in a Star Wars movie. Good news if you loved that because there’s a ton of that in this book! More one-dimensional alien characters debate alien laws you couldn’t care less about while Captain Marvel hangs about as uselessly as a Hollywood celebrity acting as a UN Ambassador. Even the bad guy - King J’Son of Spartax, Star-Lord’s pop - appears as a hologram like the Emperor and her cat’s called Chewie! 

The story is the most shallow and forgettable one imaginable. I’m still at a loss as to why Captain Marvel could be considered an interesting character because DeConnick is utterly unable to write her that way. Her dialogue is cliched and flat and you better believe that if she can’t make the main character seem compelling, she can’t make any of the supporting cast either. David Lopez’s art is fine but nothing special and wholly unremarkable. This volume is a total bust and even with a new number one, Captain Marvel remains one of the lowest selling titles on the roster. 

Rather than reboot the series by sending Carol arbitrarily into space, they need to replace the writer. DeConnick’s tried for, what, 4 years now? She’s failed. Get someone else in, Marvel.

Captain Marvel, Volume 1: Higher, Further, Faster, More

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